Love and Hate

I don't know what it means to be a good daughter. It doesn't help when my father has a relatively unique viewpoint of almost everything, which he keeps from me most of the time.

Most days I am torn between love and hate for him.

Today I found him with red bleary eyes when I came home after dinner. He had gone to attend a friend's funeral earlier in the afternoon.

I asked him if he had eaten and he glanced at his gf and said, "Er, had something."

I looked at her too, and realised, "Urgh. HER cooking."

So I offered him my green tea red bean cake :s I sliced it into 5 parts and offered 3 to the both of them. The other 2 will be my lunch tomorrow.

Sigh. Sometimes I really don't know if I should worry about my father's welfare when it is entrusted into her hands.

It is a real pity that my dad, who could have chosen anyone he wanted, has chosen such a poor excuse for a companion.

Sometimes I wish humans were by nature less blinded by their own idiosyncrasies. I think their lives in general would be greatly improved in quality.

As much as I dislike his gf, I do think that she has sacrificed a lot for my father, who, like all middle-aged men, can be rather selfish sometimes. Sometimes I catch myself pitying her. She does so much for a man who ultimately would rather not "lose face" and marry her.

I don't know why my mind is so clouded over when it comes to my dad and his gf. Maybe if I knew he really does care for her and is not merely using her as a housekeeper cum personal secretary which he does sometimes, I might begin to see their relationship differently.

Of course in saying all these, I have ommitted my personal opinions about her manners and mannerisms, least of all her habit of pretending I don't even exist.

I'm soft-hearted and old-fashioned, and I've been told that many times. However, I guess I really put my father's happiness above all else.

So maybe even though I don't know how to be a good daughter, I actually do know how to love?

...

Enjoyed Friday very much with Fb. We went to Pet Safari at Simei because I heard it reopened recently. I thought it would be super boring, but Simei was quite interesting after all. Perhaps it is because I haven't been there since 2002 lol.

After walking ourselves to exhaustion, we headed over to Pasir Ris and bought food back to Fb's place :)

Met her 3 month old baby Fluffy :) I actually took many many pictures of her, but I haven't had the time to edit all of them.



















...

Been trying to finish Seagrave, and it is still very enjoyable, despite being a rather thick volume, full of criticisms of the KMT regime.

Also been balancing this with a healthy diet of DMC, which I found is very useful in training sniper rifles and pistols.

Fell in love again with the dual beretta lol ;) There's really so much you can do with 30 bullets rofl.

...

Furthering my theme of Love and Hate, the two brothers, Tako and Tofu have been separated. It almost broke my heart when I found Tofu bleeding yesterday. But yeah, he has to be separated in order to heal.

Tako is doing very well. He seems happy to have gotten rid of his pesky little brother at last. No more squeaking in his face when he is trying to sleep!

As for Tofu, the-little-lost-boy-look is perpetually on his face these days. I think he is feeling lonely.

But he will have to remain so until he heals 100%, and puts back a bit of weight. Not that he is scrawny, he is far from it, but because he lost some from when Tako kept chasing him around lol.

I find myself wondering if I can afford to get mates for them both lol. I mean it is one thing to purchase two female hamsters. But what if all three pairs, including Lemon and Pepsi, give birth at once?! *faint*

Also, time is another factor that cannot be overlooked.

- 31 July 2006 3:24am -